School for the first time in 9 days (not including the weekend). When I walked in the doors, I felt dirty and scared...this is not normal. I went to see if any friends were wandering around, lo and behold, Jessica was in the common area, and I am very glad that she is the first one I saw. But I couldn't contain my mixed up feelings and just started bawling. Mason saw Jessica rush me away and he came to see what was up. He came and sat me down and held my hand and got me to tell them the just of the shit going down. He said he had never seen me so worked up and scared! And this was not my worst moment. Then, I was fine! But the reason I am sitting here in class Blogging is because I am trying to keep my mind off of stuff. I've been reading a lot of literature on this anxiety shit. I definitely has a full out disorder. Yay. I am very angry with my doctor, I mean c'mon, I asked if there were any side effects, she knows my anxiety problems and there had been a history of people having this problem, and who knows, I might be permanently fucked in the head. This day is feeling infinite at the moment, like it may never end. That's a big part of what is fucking with my head, the longness of the day. One thing I read was that emercing yourself into your fear is the best thing you can do for your fear. Show it that you control and you can deal with it. Also, give the fear 20 seconds of your time and then forget about it. I also had a cousin of my dad's (Virginia) tell me about this tapping technique, it's like acupunction at home called EFT. I am gradually learning that and I hope that it becomes a very useful tool. Also, her daughter (Jennie) has very intense anxiety/panic attacks and told me about this natural powder called Inositol, which I plan on buying tonight, she told me it just stops your attacks, some chemical in the Inositol just stops that activity from taking over your mind.
i'm out
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