Mind Games #2

Last post was Tuesday, today is Sunday. I spent the week at home, I lost my appetite and would just sit around all day worrying, feeling sick, freaking out. This week was probably one of the hardest weeks of my life. I have never felt so helpless and scared! I am pretty much back to normal, or at least I was. I started feeling a hell of a lot better on Friday and had a pretty good sleep that night, which hadn't happened ALL week. Nicole and Catrin are here from Germany, so that is incentive to be lively because I don't want to be a Debbie-Downer while they're here. Lastnight I was feeling panicky and freaked out again. Probably because my mom and aunt are now is a little fight, which is really upsetting me. It's mostly upsetting me because my Aunt is just so...controlling and has no sense of how she is effecting the people around her. I find people like that just hard to be around. She's usually fine, but yesterday my mom just began to get very frustrated with that and we sort of stormed out of her house lastnight, she pretty much kicked us out. See, our extra bedroom is being occupied by a border, and so Nicole and Catrin couldn't stay here and we asked Aunt Jane if they could stay with her. She said yes and didn't seem bothered by it. But now, she has just taken over. Planning EVERYTHING and just being like what we should be to them. I mean, really, we housed Nicole for a year and she's OUR family, not Jane's, although Jane was part of her life when she was here. I am also upset because I think she's very lonely, even though she has a great husband, she takes him for granted, BIG TIME! She bosses him around and talks about him behind his back and is just a bitch about him. I feel bad for him. But I love my Aunt and I hate, HATE seeing relatives arguing, it just makes me really upset and depressed because something could happen and they'd regret saying whatever they had said. Life is too short and people should just fucking deal with people's faults, unless it's something like being a natural born killer, if you get along most of the time, just fucking deal. I value people and family way to much to be bothered, although people seem to think I am a drama queen and over react, the truth is that I am pretty damn laid back. Just...FUCK I AM TIRED OF ALL THIS SHIT!

i'm out