11th day home.
Right now I am feeling somewhat normal, back to my old self -kind of. I woke up feeling amazing, hungry, but fine. Hunger has taken on a new meaning for me. During this whole ordeal I have been un-able to really eat anything. I am hungry but it either won't stay down or there is nothing I want to eat and as a result of this, I am very weak. Not as weak as I have been because I have eaten a wee bit today and I have taken vitamins. The truth is, I don't want to go back to school. It's an environment I no longer feel comfortable in and I feel so much pressure there. That is causing me a lot of these anxiety feelings in this moment. My mind was fine until I started thinking about school again. I took today off because it was a whole day, but I am pretty sure I will attempt to go back tomorrow because I have spare last and I can come home and chill. Although that had been my plan yesterday and I just ended up freaking out and basically sent home. I have spoken to all of my teachers, two of them are more like friends than teachers and they completely understand the shit I am going through. When I say completely, I don't mean completely, no one, not even me, really gets the shit going through my head these days. I am excited to see my dad this weekend, but I am nervous to go and then come back and have to go to school for a whole week! I wish I could just graduate now and get it over with. But at the same time, I am very nervous to move on with life. I just want to get these problems fixed, I don't want to feel this enormous pressure all the time. I don't even know what the pressure is, I just know I am not comfortable anywhere or doing anything anymore. I feel trapped in my body and like I may just explode someday. Soon.
i'm out.
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